


Johnnie Walker, Come Save Us

by mindmyownbznz



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Drinking, Junbobficsparty2020, Junhoe is sadt, M/M, Post-Canon, but it's angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindmyownbznz/pseuds/mindmyownbznz
Summary: As he brought his glass to his lips again, he thought of how alcohol was really the only thing that could keep the two of them in the same space without an ounce of awkwardness. Without it, they were irreconcilable. It was sad. It was a tragedy, but how they came to be this way, he hadn't had the slightest idea.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	Johnnie Walker, Come Save Us

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So yeah. This is my submission for #Junbobficsparty2020, which will be happening from the 18th to 29th this month. This work is based on the prompt 4: "Are you drunk? Let me have some booze as well." The prompt automatically made me think of junbob's drinking escapades and the behind the scene of 깊은 밤, and then I was kind of in an angsty mood--long story short, this came up. However, I kinda need to tell you guys I wasn't really in the most creative or inspired these last few months, so I'm not sure if I managed to come up with anything satisfying for you guys. But I still hope you'll enjoy reading this (especially those lovers of angst hahaha)!  
> (Btw the photo is from Junhoe's instagram, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WAS THE EXPENSIVE WHISKY HE BOUGHT FOR BOBBY but I just used it to fill in the context.)

When they asked him to talk about the story behind '깊은 밤', Junhoe was blurting out stuff as vaguely as he could muster.

"What meaning do we seek, deep in the night?" he said nervously, clinging to his guitar as though it could save him from the situation. "We only want to be loved."

"So it's about loneliness," Bobby responded, voice soft as if he knew firsthand just what Junhoe was talking about.

Bobby wasn't too far off in his conclusion, no. The song really was about, in short, 'loneliness'. A guy felt a big hole of emptiness in his heart, and he wanted it to be filled. Unfortunately the only thing he could find was alcohol, so he drank and drank until he could no longer feel that hole in him. That much was probably obvious from the lyrics he had written.

But there was more to it than Junhoe dared to share. It was also the reason why he had been so apprehensive about unearthing this particular song from his collection, let alone bringing it into Bobby's recording studio.

"So maybe I can add the rap verse between the chorus and part B," Bobby said once Junhoe sang his song in front of him.

"Okay, wherever you see fit," Junhoe replied, nodding meekly, and soon enough he was led into the studio, which was more like a bedroom than anything else.

They worked on the song together, sitting in front of Bobby's computer. Junhoe watched the older man work, mouse in his right hand, the keyboard under his left, clicking away and creating magic that transformed his song into something extraordinary, something a whole lot more than what he had envisioned the song to be. And when Bobby added his rap verse, strong and sharp and full of charisma, Junhoe might be melting silently inside.

The producer team said that a live band would be added after the guide track was ready. Junhoe was both anxious and excited. It was weird, to say the least, to witness the song, his song, go through such progress.

The weirdest thing of all was the fact that he was sitting alongside Bobby of all people. Throughout the time he glanced to the side and saw the rapper, all he could think of, distractedly, was, 'If only Bobby-hyung knew...'

Yes, if only Bobby knew.

***

To tell the truth, hours before the event began, Junhoe had been contemplating whether he should share the story or not. On one side, it would be a great topic to talk about. The crowd would definitely be entertained, and the people in Twitter would definitely go crazy. But on the other side, it wasn't a very pleasant memory for Junhoe personally.

In the end, simply driven by the desire to please the crowd, Junhoe shared the story.

"It was late at night, and I thought he came to have a drink together. Because I would love to have a drink, the two of us together, you know," he said. "But after I gave him the liquor he asked for, he said, 'Good night, Junhoe,' and left. Just like that."

Junhoe hoped he didn't actually sound as bitter as he did in his head. He also hoped nobody noticed the one too many times he said the word 'together', because it would surely make him seem so needy. Despite his worries, the crowd laughed. And, with one glance to the side, he saw that Jinhwan and Bobby also laughed.

It was all he could do to laugh along, giggling, even, because why the hell not? It was just like laughing at himself, at something dumb that he had done, and he had done uncountable dumb things in his life. Because here, in front of the crowd, with so many distractions around him, it was easy to ignore the discomfort churning in the pit of his stomach.

Last night, though, it hadn't been easy at all. There had been nothing to distract him from the well of disappointment that had opened up at the sight of Bobby leaving without a word. Without a single glance back.

Junhoe was grateful he hadn't handed over every last drop of alcohol he had to Bobby, because he needed to drown the misery with something and it sure as hell would not be plain water. It was ironic, though, that with every inch he drank from his bottle, the hole in his chest seemed to grow even bigger. All he could think of was how great it would have been if Bobby had stayed and shared this bottle with him.

When the bottle had gone empty and his heart still felt painful, Junhoe picked up his notebook and pen and began scribbling.

And that was when 깊은 밤 was born.

***

Junhoe was not familiar with Sendai. They had only been here once before, and there hadn't been any chance to go sightseeing back then. The urban area, as far as he could see, didn't seem all that different with the less famous spots in Tokyo. It was cold, though. Junhoe's nostrils hurt whenever the wind blew toward him.

Thankfully his stomach was warm, full with food and beer. It wasn't enough alcohol to make him drunk, but he was getting a little bit tipsy. The lights coming from the buildings they passed by were so distracting, it was like trying to walk straight while wearing a wet pair of glasses. It was so fascinating, Junhoe had to stop and take photos every once in a while.

He was feeling weirdly exhilarated. A part of it was the beer, he knew. But another part...

With a thump in his chest, he glanced to the side, to where a certain rapper was. Bobby was walking beside Jinhwan, an easy smile on his lips. He seemed to be listening to whatever Jinhwan was talking about with the Japanese staff, although Junhoe wasn't sure he understood.

Junhoe thought of dinner and how Bobby had sat right beside him. It was a wonder how he had been able to keep up with the group's conversation and, at the same time, make sure he wasn't making a fool of himself in front of Bobby. However, against his biggest worry, it had gone well.

And, at one point, Bobby had poured him a glass of beer and had put his arm around his shoulder. And maybe (no, pretty sure) Junhoe had blushed from head to toe thanks to the sudden proximity.

The short walk ended all of a sudden without Junhoe realizing it. Slightly surprised, he looked up at the building of the hotel they were staying at, and then at the Japanese staff who were bidding their goodbyes. He bowed politely, saying his thanks and greetings, watching as they all filed away one by one.

It wasn't that late yet, Junhoe realized as he took a peek at his phone screen. He usually would have stayed up a few more hours into the night, but tonight, going to sleep early didn't sound so bad. There were thoughts in his head that were starting to give him anxieties.

(He probably needed to sort these thoughts but he didn't know if he was ready to face them.)

"Junhoe, let's go over the MC cards for tomorrow," Jinhwan said to him before they entered the lobby.

"Actually, um,"

Junhoe turned, Bobby's voice somehow pulling those thoughts from the depth of his mind to the surface. He shivered.

"Junhoe, do you want to grab more drinks at the bar?" Bobby looked at him, a small smile stretching on his plump lips. Junhoe struggled not to stare. "I mean, it's still pretty early, and the bar is just down there."

Jinhwan was staring at Bobby as if the rapper had grown three heads from his shoulder. "Drinks? With Junhoe?"

"Yeah," Bobby replied. "We won't be long. Or if you're that worried, you can ask Jaeho-hyung to come down and get us a little bit later."

Bobby was laughing, as if the whole thing was funny, as if Junhoe wasn't trembling on the spot. Jinhwan gave the two of them another suspicious glare, back and forth, before he finally shrugged and walked away.

Half an hour later, Junhoe was on his sure way toward complete black out and he felt like it couldn't come any sooner. He ordered whiskey, straight, and he was now on his fourth glass. The music playing in the bar was beginning to sound like it was coming from under water. Or he was the one drowning while the rest of the world remained above the surface, he wasn't sure.

Oddly, though, Bobby's voice sounded so clear. Too clear, even, that it was deafening.

"I personally like the ballad one you brought the other day, but I don't know which one the team will pick," Bobby spoke across the table, nursing his glass of vodka. His forefinger ran along the edge of the glass, and Junhoe couldn't help but stare.

"I'm--I can come up with another song," Junhoe mumbled. "I mean, if you're okay with working on a new one."

Bobby smiled, crooked teeth peeking between his stretched lips. "I'm always okay if it means more time working with you," he said, leaning forward. Took a sip of his drink. "We should try recording at my studio."

"Um, sure, Hyung," Junhoe answered, not feeling drunk enough to deal with the emotions emerging from the depth of his belly. "Should I send you the songs I've got so far?"

Bobby shook his head slightly. "Too much hassle," he said. "Once we get back to the dorm, I'll just stop by your room and listen to you sing your songs."

Junhoe didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the lack of lighting in the bar, but he felt like he saw Bobby's eyes flicker. And that nerve-racking smile was still there, giving Junhoe the chills. He finished his fourth glass, and then ordered another. Their talk slowly slipped away from work-related to everything else, from the family holiday that Junhoe had gone to, to the funny stuff they found whenever they lurked on Twitter.

Junhoe tried not to feel bitter about how easy they could talk when there was alcohol around. Without alcohol, his embarrassment always got the best of him before he could even say anything.

When they finally decided to call it a night, Junhoe was a good deal more inebriated than when he had just gotten back from dinner. He was swaying on his feet when he and Bobby were standing in the elevator, but before he could fall down, Bobby grabbed his waist and held him upright.

His heart was beating so hard in his chest he felt like throwing up. But Bobby didn't seem to notice this and kept holding him close.

It was quite a miracle that they managed to reach Junhoe's door without stumbling and planting their faces flat against the floor. He tried to think of where he had placed his keycard, it wasn't exactly easy with how shaky everything was in his head. Before he could remember, though, Bobby got to it first. The rapper's hand was deep inside the back pocket of his pants, palm against the curve of his butt, and it was all that Junhoe could do, in the midst of his intoxicated brain, to stop himself from grinding back against that hand.

"Here, let me." Bobby's mouth seemed so close to his ear. The rapper's hoarse voice vibrated against his eardrums, sending shivers down his spine.

The door clicked open and the keycard was slipped into Junhoe's hand as Bobby withdrew.

"Would you..." Junhoe paused, shivering again. Bobby's eyes were boring holes into him. "Would you like to stay, I mean, in my room...?"

Junhoe intended to continue, to explain himself that he still had a couple of bottles of liquor left in his room, that if Bobby wanted to they could carry on drinking, that he really didn't mean it to sound like he was insinuating anything more than that. But his lips froze. The moment froze.

And then Bobby smiled, and shook his head. "Go to sleep, Junhoe-ya," he said, already taking a step back. "I'll see you in the morning."

Junhoe gulped and it felt like swallowing a big, jagged rock down his throat. The familiar suffix rang painfully in the back of his mind. He watched, hiding behind the door, at Bobby's back that was going farther and farther away down the hall. Until he reached his own room, Bobby never looked back.

***

Junhoe heaved a long heavy breath the second the cameras were turned off. It felt like a long day, although when he took a peek at the clock on his phone screen, it was still a little over 6 p.m. It's dinner time. His stomach growled quietly in response.

He could hear Bobby's voice right outside the door, talking to one of the staff about some technical stuff he didn't really care to find out. All he could think of was where the manager was, whether he would be okay if they stopped by for some tteokbokki before going home, and how he was going to talk to Bobby and excuse himself.

He stood up, grabbing his guitar, when Bobby walked into the room slash studio.

"Oh, are you leaving already?" Bobby asked, eyebrows arching high on his forehead. "Stay around for a while. I'm gonna order some pizza. Or do you want anything else, Chinese food, maybe?"

"Um," Junhoe peered toward the door. Without anyone around them, he was suddenly feeling horribly nervous. "I--I guess that would be fine..."

"Which would be fine? Pizza or Chinese food?" Bobby laughed.

Junhoe shrugged, blushing. "Whichever. Pizza. Pizza is fine."

Junhoe thought that Bobby would quickly go and call the delivery service, but for the next few seconds, the older man was still standing there in front of him. Junhoe clutched his guitar a little bit tighter against his chest, as if it could somehow act as a barrier between himself and whatever Bobby was thinking. It was, of course, a fruitless effort, because his heart still throbbed when Bobby spoke up next.

"Junhoe-ya. I'm probably overthinking stuff, but--" Bobby took one step forward, stopped, hesitated, and then took one more step forward. "--the song, I mean, the lyrics... Are you okay? Are you really that lonely?"

It was supposed to be an easy "yes" or "no", but all Junhoe could think of was how he could not deal with this right now without at least half a bottle of Johnnie Walker in his bloodstream. He inhaled, exhaled, feeling the muscles around his ribcage hurt with every breath he took.

"I--I guess so?" he finally answered. "But don't worry, Hyung. It's just, you know, one of those days. It'll pass."

"Really?" Bobby asked. Junhoe couldn't help but notice how the inches between them were too few and too much at the same time. "Listen, Junhoe-ya, I know we don't talk to each other very often, but you do know I care about you, right?"

Yes, Junhoe knew that. Bobby cared about everyone. It seemed to be a trait that was carved into his genes. Junhoe was just one of many that occupied Bobby's 'people to care about' corner.

"If ever you feel lonely again, just come and find me. We can have a drink or whatever," Bobby continued, smiling gently. And then he took more steps forward, with arms open. "Come here, let me give you a hug."

Junhoe froze, cold sweat running down his back. Before he could process what was going on, let alone react, Bobby was already standing right in front of him, grabbing his guitar and setting it on the side, and then pulled him into a hug.

"We'll be okay, Junhoe-ya," Bobby said, or more like whispered, hand patting his back softly. Junhoe knew he just shivered from head to toe.

Sometimes Junhoe hated it when Bobby used the '-ya' suffix because it sounded too friendly, too intimate. The thought of anything intimate, especially with Bobby, always made him want to run somewhere far away and scream as loud as he could. It was suffocating.

His hands clung to the back of Bobby's hoodie, very, very lightly. More than this and he would implode into atoms.

Bobby pulled away after what seemed to be eons, leaving a trembling Junhoe on the spot. The smile remained, teasingly, and it was impossible for Junhoe not to stare. He had always found Bobby's lips to be wonderful and soft-looking, and wondered how many people had experienced just how wonderful and soft they really were.

There was a short moment in which Junhoe couldn't remember anything, as if he simply blacked out without him knowing it. But he noticed what was happening, he noticed the already small distance between them that was becoming smaller, the breath that was coming in and out of him in a gradually quickening pace, and Bobby's lips that were becoming shinier when he licked them with his tongue.

Junhoe felt his lips touch Bobby's before he noticed how loudly his brain was blaring with alarms. He pulled back quickly, shocked, afraid, and very sure that he had made a complete fool of himself.

It hurt. It was embarrassing and hurtful, when Bobby took one step back, and then another, and then more until he was at the door. A hard expression was spread on his face, the kind of expression that would surely give Junhoe nightmares for weeks ahead.

"Hyung! I--I'm sorry, I didn't mean--" Junhoe stuttered, fear overcoming every cell in his body.

"No, it's okay, bro, yeah," Bobby grinned stiffly. "I should, um, call the pizza now. Right. Ok. You just sit tight. Or whatever."

And with that, Bobby got out of the room, leaving Junhoe falling into a fathomless oblivion of regret.

***

Before the concert began, the members along with the staff involved had gone through a pre-show briefing. Junhoe had been there, had been listening to every single detail. Jinhwan had also informed him quietly about the 'surprise' birthday celebration they were going to hold for Bobby, although, in Junhoe's personal opinion, it shouldn't be called a surprise if the person in question already knew about it.

On stage, when the other members followed by the entire audience began singing 'Happy Birthday', and when the staff rolled out the cake, Junhoe stood aside. He was clapping his hands, mouthing the words to the song, staring straight at the cake. It had a cute piece of decoration in the form of Bobby's face placed on one side.

Following some unexplainable impulse, he picked up the piece of decoration, and took a small bite out of it. It tasted of chocolate, slightly bitter. He wished he could spit it out.

Bobby was just showing off the gift he had received from Donghyuk and Jinhwan, a bracelet encircling his left wrist, when Donghyuk asked the rest of them, "Where are your gifts?"

Junhoe felt like his heart was being squeezed inside his chest, not paying attention to the Twin Monsters presenting themselves as Bobby's gift.

"I bought him an expensive whiskey," Junhoe said when his turn came. He could hear Bobby's excited response, but he couldn't bare to look up and watch his face.

"You must be lying!" Donghyuk shouted from one side, while Jinhwan went, "Don't lie on stage!" from the other side.

"I'm not lying!" Junhoe insisted. "Bobby-san likes drinking alcohol, so I bought him that. I was just too embarrassed so I might have said that I bought it for myself. But honestly, it's a present for Bobby-san."

Yes, as a matter of fact Junhoe did remember Bobby's birthday, and he did buy him a gift. The shape of the Johnnie Walker Blue Label limited edition whiskey popped up in his mind, reminding him of the impulsive thought he had had the other day. It was now stored in his suitcase, unwrapped, no message attached. When he brought it home from the store that day, he thought that he could just claim he had bought it for himself in case anybody asked. He hadn't thought he would actually have the chance, or the courage, to give it to Bobby.

He hadn't thought Bobby would care whether or not he bought him anything. But the look on Bobby's face at the moment on stage seemed to be telling him otherwise. Or maybe, Junhoe thought, Bobby was just that good of an actor.

***

It wasn't until two days later that Junhoe handed the whiskey to Bobby with every bit of nonchalance he could muster, and it wasn't until this morning that Bobby thanked him.

Tonight, Junhoe sat on his chair, his notebook on the desk in front of him, his pen in his hand. He hadn't intended to write one depressing poem after another, but that was what was happening at the moment, and he couldn't stop himself. The alcohol helped, too. The glass touched his lips often, sending the whiskey into the depth of his stomach and warming his body, although not his soul.

He thought of his song, 깊은 밤, and how it would be released soon despite everything, every stupid thing he had done. The video would be shot in a few weeks, said one of the producers, in a live band kind of atmosphere. It was everything Junhoe could ask for, honestly. It was like having one of his many dreams come true, and he was excited to wait for the fans' reaction.

It was just... how was he supposed to face Bobby?

They hadn't talked to each other after that night in Bobby's studio, except those chances where other people were present. Nobody had mentioned the 'mistake' Junhoe had done, and it would most likely be burried six feet underground like a corpse. The shame was burning him from the inside, he wondered how come he hadn't turned to ashes just yet.

As he brought his glass to his lips again, he thought of how alcohol was really the only thing that could keep the two of them in the same space without an ounce of awkwardness. Without it, they were irreconcilable. It was sad. It was a tragedy, but how they came to be this way, he hadn't had the slightest idea.

Or, the reason was there in his mind, had always been there, but he was just too scared to unearth it and face it straight in the eye.

Just as the mouthful of alcohol was making its way into his stomach, there was a knock on his door. It creaked open before Junhoe had the chance to get up from his chair.

When the familiar, messy tuft of hair appeared from behind the door, Junhoe was pretty sure he was having a heart attack.

"Oh, you're already starting?" Bobby's voice sounded cheerful, as if nothing was wrong, as if nothing had ever been wrong between them. "You're not drunk already, are you? Let me join you."

Junhoe froze, eyes staring at Bobby who was entering his room, closing the door behind him. There was a carefree grin on his face that was somehow making Junhoe feel nauseous.

"I brought your gift," Bobby said as he stood in the middle of the room, lifting up the hand that was holding the whiskey Junhoe had bought him. "I need help finishing it. And maybe we can, I don't know, have a chat or whatever. What do you say?"

Junhoe swallowed, his throat felt dry. It felt like having to make a decision that would determine his doom. And Junhoe, in the twenty-something years he had lived, was not a stranger to bad decisions...

... Like the one he was making now. The smell of regret was already hanging close in the air around him.

"Yeah, sure, okay," he said. "Have a seat, Hyung."

**\- END -**


End file.
